


April, May

by bicroft



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Ghosts, Love Confessions, M/M, Pies, Unrequited Love, metaphorical mermaids, that's all there is to this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-05 06:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6693937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bicroft/pseuds/bicroft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Bittle, my man.” he says, voice hoarse and shaky. “Let me give you a nugget of wisdom I learned the hard way: never let yourself fall for a straight boy.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bitty’s seen Holster upset. He’s seen him after lost games, after devastating season finales, after bombed quizzes. Hell, Bitty’s even seen Holster _cry_ , once or twice- usually of joy, granted, but it still counts.

This? This isn’t just crying, this isn’t just upset. This is Holster, head down on the kitchen table, shoulders shaking from sobbing. This is Adam Birkholtz, _devastated_ , and Bitty’s dropping his Stop n’ Shop bags and going over to him before he’s even fully processed it.

“Are you--” he begins, and then shakes his head. Adam is quite obviously not okay. “What’s wrong?”

“Bitty?” Adam picks his head up, and his face tells Bitty he’s been at this for awhile now. “Shit, sorry; I’m crying all over your table.”

“I don’t mind,” Bitty says “But, I can offer a shoulder, too, if you want that instead?”

Adam looks like he’s about to say no, but something stops him. He closes his mouth instead, eyes dropping and chin wobbling as he nods and pushes down a new wave of tears. Bitty pulls up a chair and opens his arms, and Adam practically falls into them. He’s not crying now, but he’s obviously on the verge and trying to reign himself in. “Want to talk about it?” Bitty asks. Again, Adam looks like he wants to say no, but sighs instead.

“Bittle, my man.” he says, voice hoarse and shaky. “Let me give you a nugget of wisdom I learned the hard way: never let yourself fall for a straight boy.”

Those words hit Bitty hard for several reasons, the unimportant one being that he hadn’t known Adam _wasn’t_ a straight boy, and the big one being oh, _Lord_ , did he remember that feeling. “Oh, sweetheart,” he says, and Adam breaks again.

“I was gonna tell him, at graduation.” he babbles in between stolen breaths and sobs. He doesn’t even have to tell Bitty who “he” is; the implication is enough. “I’ve liked him since we were Frogs, but I only really just figured out that I lo--” He chokes on the word. “And, I know that he does, too, just not like that, but I was gonna tell him anyway, just so it’d be out there, y’know?”

“And then,” Adam has to take a deep breath here, pulling away from Bitty to scrub at his eyes. “And then, March came along, and she’s great, I love her, she’s so good for him and he’s happy and _I want him to be happy_ , more than anything--”

“You deserve to be happy, too.” Bitty says, and Adam gives him a half smile.

“He deserves it more.” he says, and Bitty can’t cut in to protest before he keeps going. “He told me he loved her, just now. He just got into med school a few days ago, full ride, and she’s going to be living in the same area, and I don’t know where the fuck I’m going or what I’m doing after graduation; I’m not gonna ruin this for him.”

Bitty fell silent, grasping for any words that might help, but not being able to find any good enough. “Pie?” he offers instead, and Adam almost laughs.

“You get me, Bitty.” he says. Bitty smiles, squeezing his shoulders before moving to the fridge.

“It’ll hurt less, one day.” he says, when he returns with a warm slice of blueberry, breaking the companionable silence. “Maybe not soon, but, one day.”

“I hope you’re right.” Adam says quietly. “God, I really hope you’re right.”

* * *

 

Outside the Haus’ Kitchen, just out of sight from the threshold, Ransom feels like his life is on the precipice of falling apart. Should he say something? He wasn’t supposed to know; he can’t say anything.

Silently, he steps away, and out of the Haus. _Everything’s the same_ , he tells himself. _Nothing’s changed. You’re okay, he’s okay. It’ll all be okay._

He wasn’t sure he believed himself. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “‘Cause, what?” Adam asks. 
> 
> Ransom sighs again, and his jaw fives the tick it always does before he goes into a big test or starts a fight-- right before he goes into something where he’s scared of what will come out after. “Because,” he says, sitting up and looking Adam dead in the eyes. “You’re apparently super good at keeping secrets from me.”

Adam knows something’s wrong after their next game. 

 

They win in a landslide, and Ransom even got a hat-trick, as the teetering tower of caps currently adorning his head shows, but instead of wanting to call an emergency kegster like they normally would, he wants to--

 

“Study.” Lardo deadpans. “You scored  _ twice _ , and we won by  _ four goals _ , and you want to sing yourself to sleep with the bone song?”

 

“It’s an effective lullaby.” Ransom argues, and while that may be true, it’s not a good reason, and he clearly knows it. “And, I’ve got a test on Monday, one of the big ones. Gotta make sure I ace it, to keep my scholarship for med school.” 

 

“I’ll go up with you.” Adam offers. “Hold your flashcards or whatever.” 

 

“You don’t have to.” Ransom insists, which is how Adam knows something is  _ really  _ wrong. “It’s chill if you wanna party, man; don’t let me stop you.” 

 

“Nah,” Adam says, trying not to sound as hurt or suspicious as he is. “I’ve got you, man.”

 

Ransom looks like he wants to protest further, but knows that everyone else will call him out on acting weird, so he just shrugs and stands. They say their goodnights and Adam shares a significant look with Bitty before they start their climb up to the attic. Ransom’s uncharacteristically silent as they walk, even though he looks like he wants to say something. Adam frowns; no learning and retaining of information was going to be happening while he was like this. Adam was going to have to get to the bottom of this. 

 

“Ransom,” he starts the moment the attic’s trapdoor has shut behind them. “My man, what the fuck is up? You seem a little--” He made a complicated hand gesture that only Ransom would be able to decipher. 

 

All Ransom does in reply is sigh and flop onto Adam’s bunk. “I’m shitt at keeping secrets from you, dude.” he mumbles, and then laughed, sounding rueful. “Which is, like,  _ unfair _ , ‘cause--” He cuts himself off abruptly, and looks guiltily down. 

 

“‘Cause, what?” Adam asks. His heart rate is suddenly through the roof, because he knows Ransom so well that he knows what’s coming, but he also  _ can’t _ because he can’t know, there’s no what he can  _ know _ what Adam thinks he knows. 

 

Ransom sighs again, and his jaw fives the tick it always does before he goes into a big test or starts a fight-- right before he goes into something where he’s scared of what will come out after. “Because,” he says, sitting up and looking Adam dead in the eyes. “You’re apparently  _ super _ good at keeping them from me.”

 

Adam’s blood runs cold. He can’t breathe, can’t speak, can’t move to run away from this conversation like he desperately wants to. “I--” he stutters, but ‘ _ I’m sorry’  _ or ‘ _ I wanted to tell you _ ’ isn’t going to fix this, so he just starts again. “Rans--”

 

“I heard.” Ransom says, almost  _ spits _ , though it doesn’t sound like he’s angry. He’s  _ hurt _ , which is ten times worse. “When you were talking to Bitty. You--  _ fuck _ , Holtzy, if it’s been hurting  you so much- you said it’s been years- why didn’t you say?”

 

“Say what?” Adam says, desperate. “Just but out that I’m  _ in love with you _ , out of the blue, over a game of beer pong? And, say it  _ when _ , when you have a girlfriend, when you’ve finally got everything you’ve ever wanted, when we’re probably going to be parting ways in a few months and it’s just gonna hurt us both?” He doesn’t think about the fact that this is the first time he’s said  _ love _ aloud, in respects to Ransom and all of this. “I’d rather have kept the secret, and let you be happy. That’s more important to me.” 

 

“What about what’s important to  _ me _ ?” Ransom almost sounds angry now, which is both good and concerning. “Which, by the way is  _ you _ \-- you’re what’s important to me. You weren’t even going to give me the chance to  _ choose _ , Adam!”

 

First name use-- definitely angry. Adam flinches, but doesn’t stand down. “Would you have chosen me. If I had?”

 

Ransom hesitates, and then sighs, deflating. “I don’t  _ know _ .” he admits, sounding broken. “Christ, Adam,  _ I don’t know _ ; I’ve never ever--”

 

“Considered it, I know.” Adam said, trying to be gentle. “Which is why I didn’t want to make you. I know you love me, Justin. Not… not the way I  _ wish _ you did, but you do love me, and that’s enough. You’re my best friend first, foremost, and always.”

 

“At least let me think about it, now.” Ransom sounds like he’s begging him, which twists a knife into Adam’s already aching chest. “I want-- I want to make you happy. I don’t know about this-- about, like, wanting to date you, but I  _ do  _ love you. Just give me the chance to figure out how, please.” 

 

“You don’t--” Adam begins, and then sighs, because Justin’s got a different look on his face now. This is the looks he gets before presentations, the look he had on his face tonight when he bagged those goals. It was the face he made when there was no stopping him from doing something. “Okay,” he says instead, slumping. “Okay.”

 

“Thank you.” Ransom slumps the same way he had, relieved and exhausted. 

 

“If nothing changes, that’s okay.” Adam says quickly. “We can still be just friends-- I  _ want  _ to still be friends, if you decide it’s just platonic. You’re still the best friend I’ve ever had.” 

 

“Bro,” Ransom says, sounding much closer to himself. “I’m not just gonna dump you.”

 

“Thank god.” Adam sighs, finally moving to sit beside Ransom on his bunk. “We chill?”

 

“We’re chill.” Ransom says, and Adam can’t keep himself from leaning into the hug that follows. 

 

“Just give me time.” Ransom says quietly, almost to himself. Adam hums. 

 

“All the time you need.” he replies. “I can wait. Now,” He pulls back, smiling. “We gonna study, or not?”   
  


Ransom laughs and nods. “Probably should.” he says, getting up to grab the million or so flashcards his bookbag can miraculously hold. “You callin’?”

 

“When am I not?” Adam shoots back, and just like that they’re back to normal. 

 

Almost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all asked, i provided. idk how many more chapters of this there will be, now, probably one or two.
> 
> notes: a) in my google docs, this is called hansom angst 2: the worsening and b) it never explicitly says that ransom ever takes the mountain of hats he has on off, so if it makes you feel better, you can imagine them having that entire soul searching conversation while he has a tower of hats on dr. suess style


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you okay?" March asks, concerned. 
> 
> 'Yeah, sure' is all Justin has to say and it's what he means to say, but the frisbee must've concussed him or knocked all the sense out of him because, what he says instead is: "Holster's in love with me."

It takes Justin a week to tell March. 

He waits a few days, initially, to see if the thing would work itself out. Maybe it would all turn out to be a practical joke, or Holster would miraculously decided he wasn’t worth it any more, or Justin would work out his own feelings, or maybe he would just get abducted by aliens and never have deal with this ever again. None of those things happened, though nothing really changed from _before_ he knew, either. He and Holster still talked, still played like they were one mind, were still best friends. All that changed, now, was the occasional gut-clenching realization he got when looking at Holster that _this dude loves him_.

He has a plan to tell March, too; he’s going to take her out, sit down, and talk it over calmly. It wouldn’t be fair _not_ to tell her when he didn’t know where they were standing, and she’s one of the only people other than Holster that really _gets him_ which means that she could probably help him figure this all out. Of course, though, having a plan means life is going to throw his plan out the window, which is why what’s happening now happens instead. 

They’re walking across the quad, holding hands and talking as they usually do when he hears a cry of “BRUH, DUCK” and is promptly whacked across the face with a Wellie frisbee. He goes down and only narrowly avoids taking March down with him, and he just lays there groaning for a few moments as the thrower-- doubtlessly a lacrosse bro, from the amount of “bruhs” the guy dropped-- collects his disc and flees. “Are you okay?” March asks, crouching down beside him, concerned. 

‘Yeah, sure’ is all Justin has to say, and it’s what he _means_ to say, but the frisbee must’ve concussed him or knocked all sense out of him, because instead of those two simple words, what he says is: “Holster’s in love with me.” 

“Oh,” March says mildly, brow furrowing. “You mean you didn’t know?”

“ _Oh_?” Justin squawks as he looks up at her. “You mean you _did know_?”

March sighs, and offers him a hand. “We should probably sit down for this.” 

Justin takes her hand and they move over to a bench to sit. “How did you know?” he asks. “I know him better than I know myself, probably, and _I_ didn’t know.” 

“It’s… well.” March sighed, looking down at her hands and smiling ruefully. “I know what people look like when they’re in love with someone they think don’t love them back; firsthand experience, remember?”

“Oh,” Justin says, and then “ _Shit_ , sorry.” because he can remember the days before they were together, when they were still going on double dates with April and Holster, and how March used to spend just as much time staring lovingly at her friend as she did at him. 

“It’s fine.” March says quickly. “But, that being said, it wasn’t that hard to figure out if you just watch the two of you, with or without the experience. You said it yourself, you know each other better than you know yourselves, and it’s easy to construe that as romantic.”

“Guess you’re right.” Justin concedes, because he and Holster had been given the couple’s discount at too many places, too many times to try and deny it. “But--” 

“You don’t know if you love him back, like that.” March finishes for him, and he nods. 

“I _love_ him, for sure.” Justin runs a hand through his hair as he speaks, obviously frustrated. “But I just… I’ve never thought about it, in the dating kind of way.” 

“Do you think you _could_ love him, in the dating kind of way?” March asks, and he only hesitates for a moment before nodding again. 

“Totally.” he says. He’s a little surprised by how sure of the fact he is, except… no, no he’s not, because pretty much ever since he met him, one of the only things he’d ever been sure about in life has been Holster. “It’s not that I couldn’t love him, it’s just like. The stuff that _comes with_ loving him, I don’t know if I can do.” 

“Justin,” March says, but he cuts her off to explain. 

“I’m not, like, _grossed out_ by the idea of like, kissing, or, _y’know_.” he says, and he hasn’t felt like this talking about sex since he was in ninth grade health class. “But I just don’t wanna be _bad_ at it with him. If it was anyone else, or we were just experimenting, it wouldn’t be a big deal because if it was over, I’d still have him, but--” Justin cuts himself off there, dropping his gaze to the ground. 

“But?” March prompts, and Justin sighs.

“But, if I do this-- if I go into this, fall in love with him or whatever, this is gonna be _it_ , for me.” he says quietly, gaze still focused on his feet. “For me, like… there’s Holster, and there’s everyone else. And, like-- you, I _love_ you. I really, really love you.”  
  
“But, I’m not Holster.” March says, and Justin’s relieved to hear no trace of bitterness in her voice. “He’s your mermaid.” 

“Yeah, he’s-- wait, what?” Justin blinks a few times, looking up at her. 

“Your mermaid.” March repeats. “You know the saying ‘there’s always more fish in the sea’?” Justin nods. “There is; there’s always someone else out there for you who’s just as amazing and wonderful as the last one. But, there’s also mermaids: people you only see every once in awhile in real life, that you fall in love with, that you never want to let go of-- soulmates, basically, whether they’re platonic or romantic or what have you.”

She takes Justin’s hand and smiles brightly. “Holster’s your mermaid, and I get that. Doesn’t mean you don’t love me, or that we don’t work well together; he’s just one of the people that you’re always going to want to put first, and I get that.” 

“Thanks.” Justin sighs, relieved, and feeling like he could breathe a bit easier. He pauses for a second, before tentatively asking: “Is this… are we breaking up?”  
  


“I think it’s more a mutual parting of ways.” March says, which they both know is a gentle way of saying ‘yeah, because you’re _totally_ gonna go off and marry your best friend.’ “We’re totally still gonna hang out, though; you’re, like, the _best_ study-buddy.” 

“Hell yeah I am.” Justin says proudly, beaming at her. He really, really did love March, and he was glad he could still do that, in some capacity. “Maybe we could bring back the double dates-- me and Holster, and you and April.” 

“Maybe.” March says, and she suddenly looks far away, determination in her eye. “You know what? Yeah, maybe.” 

“ _Bro_.” Justin says, grinning. “Deets once you tell her?”

“Only if you give me deets after you talk to _him_.” March says, grinning back, and they shake on it. 

“Should probably go and--” Justin nods in the direction of the Haus. “He’s gonna be getting out of class soon.” 

“Go get ‘em.” March says, squeezing his hand, and he can hear her cry of: “Remember, _deets_!” as he runs off. 

He can do this. He can do this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: happiness, I'm the POV of Haus ghosts. 
> 
> I just did my AP English L&C exam and wrote this after. End Me ™


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Holster-- Holtzy, Adam." Ransom begins and Holster looks like he's about to die and become another Haus ghost himself. "You're my best friend, you've always been my best friend, and I---"
> 
> "Ohmigod," Jenny squeals. "It's happening!"

Jenny and Mandy hate it when their boys are fighting. It doesn’t happen often, because they’re, like, _the bestest friends ever_ , but when it does it’s awful and brutal and it messes up the energy in the attic for _days_ after it’s all over. 

“It’s, like uber depressing in here right now.” Mandy sighs, floating just over Ransom’s bunk. “Do you think they’re gonna make up soon?”

“It seemed kinda huge.” Jenny puts in from over by the desk. “So, I dunno-- maybe this is, like, _it_.”

“It _can’t_ be!” Mandy wails, causing the gear that’s stacking in the corner to rattle. “Holster just, like _confessed_ , Jen; they’ve gotta fall in love, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Jenny huffs, but she’s not convinced. The argument Ransom and Holster had had sounded so _final_ ; she and Mandy had spent the whole week following the two of them around the Haus, fretting. 

Mandy looks like she’s about to say something else, but, she closes her mouth instead and perks up like she’s heard something.

“---ster, just slow down, man, we gotta talk.” It’s Ransom, and he sounds distressed. The door bursts open and Holster enters first, hands covering his ears and Ransom on his tail with an expression to match his tone.

“We don’t.” Holster says quickly. “Today’s been _super shitty_ already, and we don’t, really, it’s--”

“You said I could get back to you.” Ransom says, taking a step forward, which Holster counters with a step back. 

“I--” Holster starts to say something, but he seems to catch the pleading look in Ransom’s eye, so he drops his hands and sighs instead. “You’re right, I did.” 

“Thank you.” Ransom slumps, relieved, and Jenny flails a little. 

“Ohmigod it’s _happening!_ ” she squeals. Mandy matches her pitch and zooms down to watch from the desk. Ransom probably hears them, but he’s still doing that thing where he pretends they don’t exist, so he ignores it and plows through. 

“Holster-- Holtzy. Adam.” Ransom begins and Holster looks like he’s about to die and become another Haus ghost himself. “You’re my best friend, you’ve always been my best friend, and I do love you.”

“Oh _god_.” Holster groans, putting his head in his hands. “Justin, bro, _please_ , if you’re gonna break up with me--” 

“ _Let me fucking finish_.” Ransom says. He sounds exasperated and desperate; Holster shuts up immediately, and nods. 

“I _do love you_.” Ransom goes on, voice quiet again, and gentle. “And, I know it’s as friends, but I want… I want it to be, like, as _boyfriends_ , too.” 

Holster looks like he’s about to faint now, and Mandy and Jenny are going _nuts_. 

“He said it! He said it!” Mandy’s doing flips midair, and Jenny’s crying a little.

“This is the best day of my afterlife.” she sniffs. Justin twitches a little, but still doesn’t acknowledge them. 

“I… I don’t know how good I’m gonna be at it.” he says. “The only person I’ve ever really dated seriously has been March, and I probably wasn’t the best with her, but I always wanna be the best for you. You deserve it, and--” His voice breaks on the last word and he has to take a deep breath before he continues. “I… you’re it for me, Holtz. There’s never gonna be anyone else I love as much as I love you, or that gets me like you do, and you’re the one person I’m sure I want with me for the rest of my life.” 

“Bro.” Holster chokes out. He’s crying, almost sobbing, and it takes him a few tries and strangled noises before he can get any words out. “ _Yes_ , Rans, yes. You’re it for me too, man, you’ve always been--” He’s crying too hard to get the words out now. Ransom steps forward and wordlessly pulls him into his arms, because they’re both crying, and neither of them needs to hear the rest of that sentence to know what he meant. 

“Kiss! Kiss him!” Mandy’s yelling like they’re a couple in a movie, and Jenny’s crying too much to try and stop her. Ransom’s arms wrap tighter around Holster’s waist, so they know he hears them.

“Can I?” he asks, and Mandy screams “YES!” Holster picks his head up, and sniffles. 

“Can you, what?” he asks. Ransom looks embarrassed. 

“Can I kiss you?” he blurts, and Holster’s face lights up so brightly, it’s almost like he hadn’t been crying at all 

“ _Hells_ yes.” he croons. Justin smiles too, and it’s impossible to tell which of them goes for it first, but neither Mandy nor Jenny care. 

“True love is so _beautiful_.” Jenny sighs, wiping her eyes. “It’s like the Princess Bride.”

“We’re gonna have to find a new place to hang at night.” Mandy points out, smirking. 

“Damn right you are.” Ransom mumbles as he and Holster pull back. 

“Dude, what’re you talking about?” he asks. Ransom just shakes his head. 

“Nothing.” he mumbles, and kisses him again.

The attic feels like a forest after a thunderstorm for days, sparking electric, and all four of it’s residents, dead and alive, can’t stop smiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may to an April/March addendum because ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ fight me I love them. 
> 
> my OMGCP tumblr is justinbirkholtz if you wanna see me Yell about other hockey gays, or prompt me!!!! My ask is always open <3

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on a post I saw this morning that I'll link once I'm not at school. Basically: I scream. Scream with me.
> 
> Edit: the post can be found here http://d-man-dex.tumblr.com/post/143567997248/brandnewfashion-tfw-your-friends-need-to


End file.
